Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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