we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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