My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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