I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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