he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
