i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
