Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
