No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
