After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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