There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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