I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
