I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
