Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
