apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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