it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Farmville is her only friend.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
