I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Mom said you looked used
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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