There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
