Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
