Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My dick has a subreddit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
