alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
