Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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