If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
