it's like iHOP with fire
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
