drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize