I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
