Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
