1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im holly from the hills drunk
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
