Don't you send me to vm
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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