She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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