think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We have started to decorate penises.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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