Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
