I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
