I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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