I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
