i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
