fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
