The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
