she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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