why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
