Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
