their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Can Purell be used as lube?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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