You really coming over, don't trick.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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