My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
