I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
