Little spoons don't ask big questions
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
