i barfeds in our rink
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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