I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
