I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
