We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
