Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I believe in your delicious
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
