I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
