Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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