i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
