can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
