I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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