I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm both gender and math confused
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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