Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
