Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i think my tv is drunk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
