Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
