my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
