Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
