There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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