bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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