I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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