Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
