you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
