She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
