redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
