Will you blow on my dice?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
