I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
