I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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