i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
