I think my fart just growled at me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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