Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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