I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
