All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
