Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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