you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
